Poetry

 

 

Bruce Weber

do's and don'ts

1) never siphon by mouth

2) always defer to your psychiatrist when he wants to harp
on his neurosis

3) before going to the office remember to wipe down the
rubber bed sheets

4) oppose any initiation rights to the van gogh fan club
demanding the removal of your ear

5) concede defeat when confronted with the blood smeared
pages of your journal

6) query your closest friends about which animals are
too cute to eat

7) grab each pebble on the road and tell it you love it

8) regard each day as another chance to prove your mother wrong

 

The Breakup of My First Marriage

"this better be good" she said "or i'm leaving"
and
when i read a poem
refuting surburban life
she left in an 80 mile an hour wind
with the trees, plants, hedges,
lawn furniture, grill, coasters,
crochet set, darts, deck of cards
and
tv
and
i was no longer welcome in my own home
the oriental carpet stared up at me
like a labyrinth
every pattern
introducing me to
another paradox
of cartesian equations
every electric light
dimmed on and off
threatening me
with their
perspicacity
the door swinging in my face
and knocking out my front teeth
because
the day she left
the refrigerator defrosted
drowning all my memories
they were floating in a fish tank
among kissing gouramees
and buck toothed piranhas
and the sink overflowed
causing all the bedbugs
to pack up and move
i wanted to scream something
that would make her stay
but all I could think of
were reruns of the
honeymooners
it was as if ralph cramden
finally realized
what an asshole
he was
to alice
and
went to therapy
and came out
a perfectly adjusted
bus driver
suddenly it was as if my body
was pressed into a configuration
anticipating the arrival
of the first lady
but the house still treated me like a stranger
every mirror had a joke to tell
the toilet kept laughing unmercifully
tickling me every time i sat down
and the bed sheets kept tried to strangle me
until i nailed them to the mattress
and the only answer
was to shoot everything
with my 44 caliber pistol
and i kept emptying bullets
and telling my home to behave
until it was destroyed
then i moved out

 

 

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